So to reflect upon our first year with our beautiful Isaac, I thought I'd write a blog post for parents about what to anticipate and how to manage your first year with a baby born with a cleft.
*Prior to giving birth, I pondered 'what I'd done wrong' for Isaac to have his cleft. I worried about silly things like what I'd eaten, the glass of wine I'd had prior to discovering I was pregnant and the medication I'd taken to relieve a migraine. After a full family history, we couldn't find any direct link either. So many thoughts were swimming around my head and I lost so much sleep over it and I blamed myself for a long time. Too much time was wasted; whilst I could've been enjoying the remainder of the pregnancy, I focused on the negative, the worries and stresses.
*During my pregnancy, I was incredibly worried about how I'd bond with my baby, how I'd learn to accept his face with a cleft and how I'd deal with other people's reactions. However, when he was born, I instantly fell in love with him, including his cleft. Any fears about my bond with him evaporated in the instant he was placed into my arms. I became a fierce and defensive mother, with my main aim to educate people's ignorance. I hope I've been able to educate and deepen people's understanding of cleft lip.
*I received multiple negative remarks regarding Isaac's appearance and on several occasions, was incredibly upset by the rude, obnoxious comments. However, remember that your baby is beautiful, their ignorance and stupidity often can't be altered. I have attempted to educate and inform many people in many forms; my column in Prima Baby magazine, a radio appearance and through discussions with individuals.
*The uncertainly in not knowing the extent of his cleft was worrying. Finding out that his palate wasn't involved was a great relief (one less operation to worry about!)
*In the weeks leading up to Isaac's lip repair operation, I stressed so much. I worried that he'd be unable to breastfeed afterwards, I worried that he'd be in pain, I worried that I'd not recognise him and most of all, I was afraid that I'd find it difficult to accept his new, 'second smile'. Post operation was difficult; he was sore, swollen and upset, he couldn't feed straightaway and it took a few days for him to relearn how to feed. When the swelling had subsided, he looked so different and I mourned the loss of his cleft. I loved him regardless, but found it such a challenge to accept his new look.
*The most challenging part was handing our baby over to the anaesthetist. Filled with emotion, you have to put your utmost trust in the surgeons to take care of your little bundle. It's an emotional time and those hours that they're in theatre feel like a lifetime.
*It's imperative that you do regular scar massage. We use Kelocote regularly to lessen the appearance of Isaac's scar. It's still a little raised, but as time goes on, it's fading more. We're really happy with the outcome and appearance. We have a beautiful little boy, with an amazing megawatt smile!
*Please realise that your baby is like any other baby, they usually reach milestones like any other, so don't worry; don't sweat the small stuff! Smile and enjoy your family!
A letter to Isaac:
As it's almost your birthday, we'd just like to say, that by having you complete our family, we're truly blessed.
In just one year, you've taught us so much; you've shown us how strong we can be as a family, how we can love and support each other through the challenging times and moreover, you've brought great happiness to our lives.
You bring us laughter every day and you're becoming so big and strong. You're beautiful, just like your big brother. We adore you, we loved your first smile and we love your second one too! Lots of love, Mammy, Daddy and your big brother, Noah xxx
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