Is he a good baby?

Is he a good baby?

I'm often asked if Isaac is a good baby. What do they mean by the phrase 'a good baby'? Yes, he lets me know when he's tired, when he's hungry, in pain or needs a comforting hug. He's happy, content and has developed a good bond with me, his daddy and big brother; he knows that he's loved.

However, every time this question is asked, this leads to the elusive conversation of 'does he sleep through the night?' In short, no! He wakes regularly to be fed, for comfort and sometimes he's awake early and goes to bed a little later. When did this become a judgement of how good you are as a parent? Aren't there other aspects in the judging criteria of strangers and often, family members? It doesn't appear so!

People are very quick to judge and make many assumptions: thus coming to the conclusion that 'good babies' are those that sleep through the night, and 'bad babies' are those that don't. Babies (and children!) will sleep through when they're developmentally ready. Our toddler doesn't 'sleep through', nor do me or my husband. We once slept for a straight 12 hours on a pre children holiday and that was notably astounding for us. We often reminisce about the days where we'd sleep more soundly!

As we are already the proud owner of an excitable toddler- one who's historically been a little sleep shy and has always had an early wake up time (much to my husband's displeasure!)- we knew what we were getting ourselves in for second time round. We were already exhausted anyway, so when planning to extend our family from one to two children, we thought that we may as well increase our family and keep going on minimal sleep. Insane, possibly? We're hoping to reap the benefits when they're teens and catch up on sleep then.

When we brought Isaac home, for the first week he fed pretty much hourly, 24/7! But then would feed every 1-2 hours during the day and on an evening, would do 5-8 hour stretches. Wow, how I miss those days! The 4 month sleep regression took its toll and Isaac has had a varying sleep/feeding pattern and the recent introduction of solids at 6 months has resulted in a little more wakefulness. In time, I believe he will sleep through, but when he's ready, not when he's manipulated (by imposed methods such as Controlled Crying!)

The ISIS online website gives a good insight into normal sleep development. Interestingly, ISIS States that:

'By the time babies are 3 months old some (but not all) begin to start settling (sleeping through a night-time feed for a stretch of up to 5 hours). By the time they are 5 months old half of them may have started to sleep for an eight-hour stretch on some nights. Generally, though, babies do not sleep all night-every night until they are close to a year old. One study investigating infant sleep duration found that 27% of babies had not regularly slept from 10pm to 6am by the age of 1 year. 13% of babies had not regularly slept through for 5 hours or more by the age of 1 year.' (ISIS website; https://www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/normal_sleep_development/)

Last night was a 'good' night, with only 3 night feeds between 7.30-5.30. However, tonight could be hourly wake ups and whimpering at 5.30am for a hug. That's fine, I'll continue to meet his needs, after all, that's what a 'good mum' does for her 'good baby' (whatever that actually is...)

So when you see me and comment that I look 'tired/exhausted/about to keel over/need some pampering/look like I need a decent night of sleep' do me a favour, make me a coffee and get the cake and biscuits out; I'm doing what I know is best for my boys, after all, I am the expert in them!